Crazy talk.

I'm not even sure where to begin. The past couple weeks have just been a jumble of confusion and emotion. Self realizations have been formulated and this odd sense of longing has arrived to make itself right at home. Longing has knocked on the door saying, "Hey, I have no where else to stay..it's alright if I hole up with you for awhile, right?" To which I respond, "Do I have a choice?" The answer is no. So, go ahead Longing...kick back and relax. Could I get you a cup of coffee or perhaps a sandwich while you are quietly biding your time making my life miserable?

The self realizations were really just a self realization. It's jealousy. I've got it and somehow just realized it. You are to him, what I was previously and as much as I'm trying to accept that...it's hard. Nostalgia is a bitch. A heinous bitch. But, then again...so is jealousy. It can ravage you. That being said, I've decided to wipe my hands clean of it. Can you even do that? Probably not, but I can suppress it to a point where it doesn't affect me.

I guess the other thing I realized...which would bring us back to 'self realizations' as opposed to a 'self realization' is that all my idealistic fantasy worlds stem directly from you. The fantastic days spent gallavanting around outside, flying kites, reading.......it's all.....I don't know.

I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Crazy talk, crazy actions. I'm doing everything wrong. You know me too well and probably have my actions all figured out. All I know is that I have these feelings that I don't know what to do with.