Explosions in the Sky.

Hi, I'm Insecure. Nice to meet you.

There's a quote circulating around somewhere that says something like: "How can you expect to receive love if you can't love yourself?"

I don't know the answer.

I'm insecure AND picky. Which makes for an unfortunate combination. I meet someone nice and proceed to quickly form this fantasticly romantic and completely ridiculous world in my head. A world in which we jaunt about outside on a gorgeous day, flying kites, sitting down to a candle-lit picnic at dusk when the sun is just setting, turning the sky a flush pink and orange color. He goes home with me to meet my family and everyone laughs heartily exchanging stories on the patio. We travel together...embarking on crazy and spontaneous adventures to places we've each never been. We lay around and read together...perfectly fine with the silence of just being.

And these delusions just continue on and on inside my head until the dood disappoints me by not perfectly filling the delsuional world I have created. OR MY HEAD EXPLODES.

I think I make up these stupid "worlds" to protect myself. If I set my standards so incredibly high, no one will ever live up to them. Thus, I save myself the trouble of getting my heart broken. I fill my time with jobs and friends...feigning confidence and self assurance. I'm a hopeless people pleaser. But, if people get too close to me..I pull away. I'm scared to let you in.