Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I miss horses. I miss everything about them. Their smell, their stride, their muscles, their chin stubble, the way their ears relate to you what they are feeling. I miss talking to my old pony like it was a real person and I miss my old pony listening..unlike a real person. I've heard that if you start out riding horses in your childhood, they stick with you like a plague for the rest of your life. It's something that you always stray back to at some point in your life.
Well, I think that point in my life has arrived. I mean, you should see the way I react when I see a horse, let alone get within petting distance. I'm giddy.
I talked to my mom about all this and apparently the current owner of my old pony is willing to let me ride Monopoly whenever I please. WHY IS SHE JUST NOW MENTIONING THIS?
I plan to go up to the horse farm this Sunday!!!!
giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy.UP!
ha.
haha.
Well, I think that point in my life has arrived. I mean, you should see the way I react when I see a horse, let alone get within petting distance. I'm giddy.
I talked to my mom about all this and apparently the current owner of my old pony is willing to let me ride Monopoly whenever I please. WHY IS SHE JUST NOW MENTIONING THIS?
I plan to go up to the horse farm this Sunday!!!!
giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy,giddy.UP!
ha.
haha.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Currently: Out of sight, out of mind. Plain and simple: Guys are bastards.
I've been feeling really lucky lately. Mainly because I've encountered more than my fill of closeminded Christians in the span of one week. I mean, don't get me wrong. I believe in God. I am just frightened and sickened by the way some Christians act. I've made so many good friends and acquaintances over the years. It's sad to think that Christians are limiting themselves to their little bubble of Christian friends.
Shrug.
I adore my friends. Every last one of them.
I've been feeling really lucky lately. Mainly because I've encountered more than my fill of closeminded Christians in the span of one week. I mean, don't get me wrong. I believe in God. I am just frightened and sickened by the way some Christians act. I've made so many good friends and acquaintances over the years. It's sad to think that Christians are limiting themselves to their little bubble of Christian friends.
Shrug.
I adore my friends. Every last one of them.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I had a lot of fun over break. Though, too much binging in all aspects. I've found that food & booze are a pair to be reckoned with. Tomorrow, I'm starting fresh. Half marathon training must begin. I think I'll sign up at the end of this week. It just sucks because I have to pay $60 up front to run. That just seems so strange...paying someone $60 to run 13.1 miles. WHY.WHY.WHY. An even better question would be: WHY.WHY.WHY am I so set on doing this in the first place? Well, I don't know. I need to accomplish something, I guess. Yeah. That's a good enough answer for me.
I went to 123 on Friday night and drank...too much. I danced like a crazy person, which resulted in a pulled calf muscle (It just hurts...so I'm assuming it's pulled). The best part of the evening BY FAR...was watching this tall, dark, and CREEPY guy pick up a hippie chick. We watched the entire process and even made bets as to what would happen next. In most cases, we were right on target. First, he started dancing with her on the dancefloor.....took her to the bar and bought her a drink....offered her one of his cigarettes (swoon). They came back to the dancefloor, got a little more intimate...moved to a side table where they inched their cushioned bar stools closer. He puts his hand on her knee, slides it up to mid thigh, leans in for the kiss. Takes his hand off her thigh, puts both hands underneath her hair onto her neck...eases off her hippie scarf, kisses her more deeply this time. Get a room. Geez. I never figured out if they left together or not. I guess that is left up to your imagination.
I went to 123 on Friday night and drank...too much. I danced like a crazy person, which resulted in a pulled calf muscle (It just hurts...so I'm assuming it's pulled). The best part of the evening BY FAR...was watching this tall, dark, and CREEPY guy pick up a hippie chick. We watched the entire process and even made bets as to what would happen next. In most cases, we were right on target. First, he started dancing with her on the dancefloor.....took her to the bar and bought her a drink....offered her one of his cigarettes (swoon). They came back to the dancefloor, got a little more intimate...moved to a side table where they inched their cushioned bar stools closer. He puts his hand on her knee, slides it up to mid thigh, leans in for the kiss. Takes his hand off her thigh, puts both hands underneath her hair onto her neck...eases off her hippie scarf, kisses her more deeply this time. Get a room. Geez. I never figured out if they left together or not. I guess that is left up to your imagination.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Bills, Bills, Bills.
Lauren Riggs is my best friend from high school. We've been through some rough patches in our years. And by rough patches, I mean petty fights over stupid high school boys. The worst kind of rough patches, in my opinion.
I appreciate having Lauren in my life so much. She goes to NC State and we really don't do well keeping in touch when we are in our respective states. However, we have the type of amazing friendship that can be picked up where it was left off. In most cases, we spend our entire summers together running, walking, biking, and ....eating. We encourage each other to eat healthier, we take turns talking about things going on in our lives, and we laugh. We laugh a lot.
I got sad today thinking that we won't be spending our summers together anymore. We're taking the great plunge into reality. Into real jobs, dating with the intent of marriage, and bills, bills, bills. Yes, Destiny's Child said it best. Each of these things tend to scare me shitless every time I begin to formulate plans about them in my head, so I guess I'm doing my best to ignore it for now. It's odd, because I'm typically so proactive about things. I want answers, I want a plan, I just want to know. This is just different, I guess. I NEED A NICHE. I NEED A PASSION. I'm waiting for my niche in the same way that I'm waiting for love. It will come knocking on my door, right?
I appreciate having Lauren in my life so much. She goes to NC State and we really don't do well keeping in touch when we are in our respective states. However, we have the type of amazing friendship that can be picked up where it was left off. In most cases, we spend our entire summers together running, walking, biking, and ....eating. We encourage each other to eat healthier, we take turns talking about things going on in our lives, and we laugh. We laugh a lot.
I got sad today thinking that we won't be spending our summers together anymore. We're taking the great plunge into reality. Into real jobs, dating with the intent of marriage, and bills, bills, bills. Yes, Destiny's Child said it best. Each of these things tend to scare me shitless every time I begin to formulate plans about them in my head, so I guess I'm doing my best to ignore it for now. It's odd, because I'm typically so proactive about things. I want answers, I want a plan, I just want to know. This is just different, I guess. I NEED A NICHE. I NEED A PASSION. I'm waiting for my niche in the same way that I'm waiting for love. It will come knocking on my door, right?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
A Gassy Girl.
Work today was pleasant.
Not many of the buyers were in the office, so I was free to hang out with the Data Entry ladies (Maureen & Chris) for the majority of the day.
Both are outspoken individuals with jobs that aren't self-satisfying. The result is very entertaining and enjoyable for bystanders such as myself. Maureen is tall, pleasantly plump, and wears flow-ey earth tone skirts with matching sweaters or vests. She puts her hand on your shoulder in a motherly way if you look troubled and frequently uses terms of endearment such as, "dear" and "sweety". She likes to talk about sex and makes it clear that she enjoys participating in such on a more than regular basis. Maureen takes two smoke breaks every day and says that she does so because "this place owes it to me". She once had me pick her up a pepperjack cheese pepperoni roll from McB's gas station. She has eaten one of these delicacies every day since. Her computer desktop layout is a winter cottage.
Chris is her partner in crime. They were friends before they got their corresponding jobs at Gabe's and live down the road from each other. Chris has lots of smile lines and seems the type you would find in a biker bar on any given weeknight. She has a dog that she frequently talks about (probably moreso than her husband). Chris has more of a harsh personality....she tells you like it is. She likes Special K bars and 'MyTea' (a brand that she can't seem to find anywhere but the Gabe's vending machines). She once told me that if I wanted to get anywhere in the company, I needed to hike up my skirt and yank down my shirt. I still haven't taken that advice to heart... Her computer desktop layout changes by the hour. Each day presents itself with a new adventure into the world of screensavers. I'll be sitting in my cube minding my own business, when all of a sudden I start hearing the faint sound of chirping birds and mosquitos. Or, a roaring, crackling fire. At that time, I know for sure Chris has been away from her desk longer than 5 minutes.
Today, I asked them what they would do differently if they were able to travel back to age eighteen. Maureen dominated this conversation, with Chris chiming in intermittently. Maureen said that she would have: not married a loser at the age of nineteen, taken better care of her teeth, been more healh-concious, treated her mother better, gone to college, and traveled the world before being tied down with grown-up stuff.
Somehow, this all spawned into both of them giving me advice on what my future husband should/shouldn't do. The only one I ever want to remember for the rest of my life is this: "If you start dating a guy who farts in public places or around you...kick 'em to the curb. Cause you KNOW that eventually, you're going to pick up his bad habits. No one likes a gassy girl."
A content day.
Project Runway tonight.
Not many of the buyers were in the office, so I was free to hang out with the Data Entry ladies (Maureen & Chris) for the majority of the day.
Both are outspoken individuals with jobs that aren't self-satisfying. The result is very entertaining and enjoyable for bystanders such as myself. Maureen is tall, pleasantly plump, and wears flow-ey earth tone skirts with matching sweaters or vests. She puts her hand on your shoulder in a motherly way if you look troubled and frequently uses terms of endearment such as, "dear" and "sweety". She likes to talk about sex and makes it clear that she enjoys participating in such on a more than regular basis. Maureen takes two smoke breaks every day and says that she does so because "this place owes it to me". She once had me pick her up a pepperjack cheese pepperoni roll from McB's gas station. She has eaten one of these delicacies every day since. Her computer desktop layout is a winter cottage.
Chris is her partner in crime. They were friends before they got their corresponding jobs at Gabe's and live down the road from each other. Chris has lots of smile lines and seems the type you would find in a biker bar on any given weeknight. She has a dog that she frequently talks about (probably moreso than her husband). Chris has more of a harsh personality....she tells you like it is. She likes Special K bars and 'MyTea' (a brand that she can't seem to find anywhere but the Gabe's vending machines). She once told me that if I wanted to get anywhere in the company, I needed to hike up my skirt and yank down my shirt. I still haven't taken that advice to heart... Her computer desktop layout changes by the hour. Each day presents itself with a new adventure into the world of screensavers. I'll be sitting in my cube minding my own business, when all of a sudden I start hearing the faint sound of chirping birds and mosquitos. Or, a roaring, crackling fire. At that time, I know for sure Chris has been away from her desk longer than 5 minutes.
Today, I asked them what they would do differently if they were able to travel back to age eighteen. Maureen dominated this conversation, with Chris chiming in intermittently. Maureen said that she would have: not married a loser at the age of nineteen, taken better care of her teeth, been more healh-concious, treated her mother better, gone to college, and traveled the world before being tied down with grown-up stuff.
Somehow, this all spawned into both of them giving me advice on what my future husband should/shouldn't do. The only one I ever want to remember for the rest of my life is this: "If you start dating a guy who farts in public places or around you...kick 'em to the curb. Cause you KNOW that eventually, you're going to pick up his bad habits. No one likes a gassy girl."
A content day.
Project Runway tonight.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
"When is Louise coming home?"
Today I visited my grandparents in Oakland, MD.
I love Oakland, MD. I love my grandparents.
The visits are getting far more infrequent as I (and they) age.
My grandfather has Alzheimer's disease. A few years ago, I did a research paper on Alzheimer's disease and reflected on how awful it would be to experience something so heartwrenching first hand.
...And then there it was.
Growing up, my Grandma Weezie was always there. If my brothers and I were directly or indirectly involved in anything, you could look out into the audience and see her sitting there smiling in her white lizard-embossed sweatshirt and jeans. She would always drag my Pap Pap (though, begrudgingly) along with her.
My brothers and I all have such fond memories of "sleeping over" at their house in Oakland. We were allowed to choose either our uncle's old childhood room, or our father's, to sleep in. Dad's win over all else. Duh. Visits consisted of pampering and spoiling in the most extreme form. We were served dinner (usually ravioli and endless garlic bread) and then we immediately made our way to the freezer in the garage. I'm under the impression that the garage freezer was sent from the heavens specifically to make my life a happier place. Ice cream, popsicles, eclairs, baked goods....
Sigh.
Post garage freezer, we were allowed to do anything we wanted. For example, my brother once dialed 9-1-1 "just to see what would happen". Other examples include:
1) Staying up until midnight (!!)
2) Watching pay-per-view movies.
3) Eating food in the living room in front of the TV (!!)
4) Camping out in a tent on the living room floor.
Things are different now. ...Much different.
Since my grandfather was diagnosed a year ago, he has been rapidly declining. This means that both my grandparents are contained to their house in Oakland. As though that weren't awful enough, our family cannot visit as a collective unit, anymore. Pap pap gets confused and flustered and frustrated and is unable to recognize anyone. The holidays that are typically spent together...are becoming a thing of the past.
(When we were younger, the day after Christmas was set aside for my grandparents...and my grandparents only. My brothers and I looked forward to this day the most. They always seemed to unveil the gifts we were disappointed Santa hadn't panned out on, the morning before. This just made us love them more.)
Although my grandfather doesn't realize much of what's going on these days, my grandmother does. Very much so. Can you imagine? Not being able to see your grandkids play in their playoff football game? Or...not being able to make it to your son's Thanksgiving family dinner where you have always provided the turkey...10 years running.
I cried today. I don't even remember what my grandmother and I were talking about. I was drinking blackberry tea with biscotti...and she said something about life being really, really hard sometimes. I could just feel the tears welling up. And then they came. My grandfather walked in shortly after asking, "When is Louise coming home?" Louise is the name of my grandmother.
I love Oakland, MD. I love my grandparents.
The visits are getting far more infrequent as I (and they) age.
My grandfather has Alzheimer's disease. A few years ago, I did a research paper on Alzheimer's disease and reflected on how awful it would be to experience something so heartwrenching first hand.
...And then there it was.
Growing up, my Grandma Weezie was always there. If my brothers and I were directly or indirectly involved in anything, you could look out into the audience and see her sitting there smiling in her white lizard-embossed sweatshirt and jeans. She would always drag my Pap Pap (though, begrudgingly) along with her.
My brothers and I all have such fond memories of "sleeping over" at their house in Oakland. We were allowed to choose either our uncle's old childhood room, or our father's, to sleep in. Dad's win over all else. Duh. Visits consisted of pampering and spoiling in the most extreme form. We were served dinner (usually ravioli and endless garlic bread) and then we immediately made our way to the freezer in the garage. I'm under the impression that the garage freezer was sent from the heavens specifically to make my life a happier place. Ice cream, popsicles, eclairs, baked goods....
Sigh.
Post garage freezer, we were allowed to do anything we wanted. For example, my brother once dialed 9-1-1 "just to see what would happen". Other examples include:
1) Staying up until midnight (!!)
2) Watching pay-per-view movies.
3) Eating food in the living room in front of the TV (!!)
4) Camping out in a tent on the living room floor.
Things are different now. ...Much different.
Since my grandfather was diagnosed a year ago, he has been rapidly declining. This means that both my grandparents are contained to their house in Oakland. As though that weren't awful enough, our family cannot visit as a collective unit, anymore. Pap pap gets confused and flustered and frustrated and is unable to recognize anyone. The holidays that are typically spent together...are becoming a thing of the past.
(When we were younger, the day after Christmas was set aside for my grandparents...and my grandparents only. My brothers and I looked forward to this day the most. They always seemed to unveil the gifts we were disappointed Santa hadn't panned out on, the morning before. This just made us love them more.)
Although my grandfather doesn't realize much of what's going on these days, my grandmother does. Very much so. Can you imagine? Not being able to see your grandkids play in their playoff football game? Or...not being able to make it to your son's Thanksgiving family dinner where you have always provided the turkey...10 years running.
I cried today. I don't even remember what my grandmother and I were talking about. I was drinking blackberry tea with biscotti...and she said something about life being really, really hard sometimes. I could just feel the tears welling up. And then they came. My grandfather walked in shortly after asking, "When is Louise coming home?" Louise is the name of my grandmother.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Alright, so I lied.
I realized today that I don't hate everyone at my place of employment.
I like the janitor. A lot. He's the friendliest guy I've ever met in my life.
Every day at 4:00 p.m., he goes from cubicle to cubicle spreading his cheer and goodwill to everyone, in the likeness of Santa Claus...except he isn't fat and is rather fond of blue flannel. Whether everyone appreciates his cheer, is a whole separate matter. He finally gets to my cube and says something like, "It's a shame that you missed this beautiful day" or "You're almost 'outta here!" I really think he's the only person in that whole corporate office that genuinely gives a damn about my day. He smiles while he empties my trash can full of mint wrappers and empty white out containers, and then moves along to the next cube, where he is never seems to be as graciously welcomed and received. These types of people are few and far between. What a shame.
I like the Data Entry ladies, too. They talk dirty when no one is listening, which is hilarious because you would never in a million years expect it out of them. I told them today that I was rethinking Gabriel Brothers as my future career....that no one really seemed happy. They looked at each other and started cackling. "We could have told you that the first day you got here!" Then Maureen told me that I was just like her....a dreamer. She said that I shouldn't wait to travel the world. I should do it when I'm not tied down by house payments, car insurance, and "spoiled, rotten, children".
So, I got online, clicked on my Google toolbar, and typed in "Travel abroad for free".
Out of the first few pagesof results...a particular one caught my eye:
Become an Au Pair!
Thanks, Google! I think I will.
I'll hear from a representative by next Monday.
So now..I have hope again.
This is me in Ireland taking landscape portraits atop beautiful, muscular horses.
I realized today that I don't hate everyone at my place of employment.
I like the janitor. A lot. He's the friendliest guy I've ever met in my life.
Every day at 4:00 p.m., he goes from cubicle to cubicle spreading his cheer and goodwill to everyone, in the likeness of Santa Claus...except he isn't fat and is rather fond of blue flannel. Whether everyone appreciates his cheer, is a whole separate matter. He finally gets to my cube and says something like, "It's a shame that you missed this beautiful day" or "You're almost 'outta here!" I really think he's the only person in that whole corporate office that genuinely gives a damn about my day. He smiles while he empties my trash can full of mint wrappers and empty white out containers, and then moves along to the next cube, where he is never seems to be as graciously welcomed and received. These types of people are few and far between. What a shame.
I like the Data Entry ladies, too. They talk dirty when no one is listening, which is hilarious because you would never in a million years expect it out of them. I told them today that I was rethinking Gabriel Brothers as my future career....that no one really seemed happy. They looked at each other and started cackling. "We could have told you that the first day you got here!" Then Maureen told me that I was just like her....a dreamer. She said that I shouldn't wait to travel the world. I should do it when I'm not tied down by house payments, car insurance, and "spoiled, rotten, children".
So, I got online, clicked on my Google toolbar, and typed in "Travel abroad for free".
Out of the first few pagesof results...a particular one caught my eye:
Become an Au Pair!
Thanks, Google! I think I will.
I'll hear from a representative by next Monday.
So now..I have hope again.
This is me in Ireland taking landscape portraits atop beautiful, muscular horses.
Sayonara, Sucker!
How do you expect me to enjoy a job for the rest of my life if I only get Thanksgiving day off?
I can't!
That's it. I quit.
Oh yeah....and I guess there's this, too:
call me godzilla: you wake up every morning at 7 to be at work at 9
call me godzilla: your alarm goes off
call me godzilla: you roll out of bed the same way, on the same side, every morning
call me godzilla: you shower, get dressed, and walk out the door at the same time, going down the same stairs, walking down the same sidewalk, saying hello to the same overweight, old, neighbors
call me godzilla: you get stuck in the same morning traffic
call me godzilla: every morning, the radio plays the same music at almost the same exact time
call me godzilla: you get to work, and you have the same vapid talk about office politics and taking the kids to soccer games/football games/baseball games
call me godzilla: you sit in the corner cubicle with a single potted plant and a stapler that rarely works with a computer with an eye catching background of some forest you've never visited
Ricekristinies: I hate the people at work.
Ricekristinies: They are all the people that I would never hang out with.
call me godzilla: exactly!
call me godzilla: and when you leave work at roughly the same time every day, you go to your car, pull out of the parking lot and realize you're trapped
call me godzilla: just another square in an endless machine of cubicles!
call me godzilla: you don't want that, i don't want that, so don't get stuck with it
Ricekristinies: I'm sad now.
...I'm not really quitting....yet....just thinking about other possibilities. Without my parents voice of reason. I'M GOING TO FOLLOW MY HEART. FORGET REASON!
I can't!
That's it. I quit.
Oh yeah....and I guess there's this, too:
call me godzilla: you wake up every morning at 7 to be at work at 9
call me godzilla: your alarm goes off
call me godzilla: you roll out of bed the same way, on the same side, every morning
call me godzilla: you shower, get dressed, and walk out the door at the same time, going down the same stairs, walking down the same sidewalk, saying hello to the same overweight, old, neighbors
call me godzilla: you get stuck in the same morning traffic
call me godzilla: every morning, the radio plays the same music at almost the same exact time
call me godzilla: you get to work, and you have the same vapid talk about office politics and taking the kids to soccer games/football games/baseball games
call me godzilla: you sit in the corner cubicle with a single potted plant and a stapler that rarely works with a computer with an eye catching background of some forest you've never visited
Ricekristinies: I hate the people at work.
Ricekristinies: They are all the people that I would never hang out with.
call me godzilla: exactly!
call me godzilla: and when you leave work at roughly the same time every day, you go to your car, pull out of the parking lot and realize you're trapped
call me godzilla: just another square in an endless machine of cubicles!
call me godzilla: you don't want that, i don't want that, so don't get stuck with it
Ricekristinies: I'm sad now.
...I'm not really quitting....yet....just thinking about other possibilities. Without my parents voice of reason. I'M GOING TO FOLLOW MY HEART. FORGET REASON!
Monday, November 12, 2007
If I had things my way, I would travel the world as soon as I graduate. I don't think I would take anyone with me. I would buy an open-ended ticket and start in Ireland. I'd hit Greece and Spain and Iceland and Italy...and wherever else my little heart desired. I would learn and grow and then finally return to the United States. I would hate it here. I would forever be unsatisfied with any and every job that kept me in one place too long.
That's why I'm staying here when I graduate. I'll save my dreams of traveling abroad for a later date. Which most likely means...that I'll never travel the world.
I just don't have enough get up and go...I know that I'm going to be very unhappy parking my ass in Morgantown taking a job that's comfortable and easy. A perk will be traveling to cities, at least. It may not be world traveling....but it's something. The truth is, I just can't think of anything else that will captivate me and keep me interested for longer than a month. Shrug.
I'll work for a year or two....then, maybe graduate school is in my future. Perhaps a graduate program that will allow me to travel overseas. That would be nice.
Song of the day: Rilo Kiley-The Good That Won't Come Out.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/cqoljm
"You say I choose sadness,
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right..."
That's why I'm staying here when I graduate. I'll save my dreams of traveling abroad for a later date. Which most likely means...that I'll never travel the world.
I just don't have enough get up and go...I know that I'm going to be very unhappy parking my ass in Morgantown taking a job that's comfortable and easy. A perk will be traveling to cities, at least. It may not be world traveling....but it's something. The truth is, I just can't think of anything else that will captivate me and keep me interested for longer than a month. Shrug.
I'll work for a year or two....then, maybe graduate school is in my future. Perhaps a graduate program that will allow me to travel overseas. That would be nice.
Song of the day: Rilo Kiley-The Good That Won't Come Out.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/cqoljm
"You say I choose sadness,
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right..."
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Roundabout.
The next three weeks will be dedicated to making myself less round.
I'm not fat yet.....just round.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Robot Lovin'.
"Therefore, my dear, the kiss is our strongest weapon, but we must take care not to dull it. Do not forget that its value is only relative, purely conventional. It continually changes according to circumstances, the state of expectancy and the ecstasy of the mind."
I'm going to marry a robot. That way, I'll never have to be disappointed or let down. His name will be Infallible. I hate that humans are fallible. I hate that history continues repeating itself. I hate that I'm losing trust in people more and more every time I get burned. EVERYONE disappoints. I disappoint, my family disappoints, my friends disappoint... I want to believe that everyone has good in them and that everyone deserves a second chance. But, my lord, how many chances do you give someone to change? Self worth is so important...and obviously, if you are willing to look over huge, catastrophic errors on a significant others part more than a few times, you have very little self worth. In my opinion, at least. I hope so much, that I never stick around for someone that continually hurts me, just because it's comfortable. Can you really say you love someone if you've cheated on them? Or thought about cheating on them? I don't think so...but maybe that's just me being old fashioned. Good 'ol fashioned Kristin.
Sigh.
Things are okay. I hate that in between feeling...you know, 'not great' but 'not awful'. I guess it's better than being 'just awful'. My problem is that I feel this need to always be satisfied and overjoyed with my life. I always think..."If I just do __________, I will be happier." This is a flawed way of thinking and I need to knock it out of my mind. I need to find the good in everyone and everything and know that it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to be lonely. It's okay to be angry and hurt.
This picture is here because it makes me happy. That's all.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
"The common cold is an infection of the upper respiratory tract (URI) caused by some 200 different viruses. The average child will get 5-7 colds each year and the average adult will get 1-2 colds each year. It is the most “common” illness responsible for lost time at work and school. Colds are more common in the winter months. Symptoms last 3-10 days."
That's a human rhinovirus. I'm doing my best to kill him off with overdoses of vitamin C tablets and green tea. I WILL WIN.
I felt like crap this morning. I mean, REALLY felt like crap. I spent the whole night drooling out of my nose. To remedy this situation, I would have to reach my bare arms out of the nice, toasty covers and quilts I had comfortably situated around my body. This is when the nonstop shivering would start, keeping me awake all the night long. I awoke at 7:00 A.M. to a crusty nose and crusty eyes. A groan forced its way out as I ripped off the covers, jumped out of bed, and ran full speed to the bathroom where my only hope (in the form of warm droplets of water spit out of a circular metal rod with holes) was located.
The shower was mediocre. In order to REALLY remedy my problem, I took some "Dayquil" that was under my bed....unpackaged. It became apparent almost half an hour later that maybe "Dayquil" was really "Nyquil". Yep. To counteract the sleepiness, I had two shots of espresso. I WAS TRIPPIN'. Then, I made it home and collapsed into my bed.
Which brings me to now. 8:37 P.M. I'm going to a house show where my lumberjack friends are playing a bluegrass-esque show. Hooray!
Last night, we went to the Brew Pub and listened to a Bluegrass jam session. My friend Ben let me in the circle so I could 'holler' a song with them! It ruled. I want to play instruments again.
The.
End.
That's a human rhinovirus. I'm doing my best to kill him off with overdoses of vitamin C tablets and green tea. I WILL WIN.
I felt like crap this morning. I mean, REALLY felt like crap. I spent the whole night drooling out of my nose. To remedy this situation, I would have to reach my bare arms out of the nice, toasty covers and quilts I had comfortably situated around my body. This is when the nonstop shivering would start, keeping me awake all the night long. I awoke at 7:00 A.M. to a crusty nose and crusty eyes. A groan forced its way out as I ripped off the covers, jumped out of bed, and ran full speed to the bathroom where my only hope (in the form of warm droplets of water spit out of a circular metal rod with holes) was located.
The shower was mediocre. In order to REALLY remedy my problem, I took some "Dayquil" that was under my bed....unpackaged. It became apparent almost half an hour later that maybe "Dayquil" was really "Nyquil". Yep. To counteract the sleepiness, I had two shots of espresso. I WAS TRIPPIN'. Then, I made it home and collapsed into my bed.
Which brings me to now. 8:37 P.M. I'm going to a house show where my lumberjack friends are playing a bluegrass-esque show. Hooray!
Last night, we went to the Brew Pub and listened to a Bluegrass jam session. My friend Ben let me in the circle so I could 'holler' a song with them! It ruled. I want to play instruments again.
The.
End.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Good 'ol Daniel Johnston.
"Sometimes you might want to give up
But keep that chin up
Cause you're gonna find
You're gonna find
Sometimes you might be alone
But don't feel lonely
'Cause you're gonna find
You're gonna find
So don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Start each day with a clean slate
You'll feel better if you can shake off all that hate
And don't forget to forgive and forget
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances"
http://www.sendspace.com/file/swtu53
But keep that chin up
Cause you're gonna find
You're gonna find
Sometimes you might be alone
But don't feel lonely
'Cause you're gonna find
You're gonna find
So don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Start each day with a clean slate
You'll feel better if you can shake off all that hate
And don't forget to forgive and forget
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances"
http://www.sendspace.com/file/swtu53
Okay. This is BY FAR my favorite Daniel Johnston song. However, this weekend disproved the whole subject line of the song in one fell swoop. Let me explain.
In most cases: Yes. I agree that letting the sun go down on your anger and sadness is the least therapeudic and correct thing to do. If you go to bed sad, it obviously makes sense that you will wake up sad....with crusty 'I've been crying all night' eyes. But, what if you attach other symbolic meanings to the sun going down on your grievances. Song disproved!! This weekend, I decided that the sun setting behind the mountains would symbolize me putting my sadness behind me. As lame as that sounds, I haven't experienced a sad day since. And maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe I already had all the sadness out of my system when I decided upon this silly, symbolic event...but, either way...I'm happy!I have decided to get myself more involved at our church. Not in a crazy, evangelical way...but, in a balanced sort of way. That's where I went wrong Sophomore year. Cru really did some damage on me (moreso on my friends). I just took everything that I learned and went extreme with it. I was making friends just so I could tell them about how I was a Christian and how they could also become one. This pushed a lot of my very close friends away from me and obviously, I can understand why. Being at church makes me happy and there's something to show for that. I want to go where I'm happy; yet, I also want to keep my friends that make me happy. I can easily do both.
I'm skipping my 11:00 class today. I'm not going to work today. My breaks went out last night. Well, almost...so I can no longer get to work. I'm taking advantage of this day off.
1) Making my first homemade latte of the year.
2) Going running on the trail.
3) Knitting.
4) Showering.
5) Going to Wildlife Management at 4:00.
That's my day.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
I'm all thought out.
At first, I think it was really a matter of my heart. My feelings were hurt and for the first time I was really, truly sad. I go through my stages of being sad...usually in the winter....but this kind of sad is different. Whether I'm happy or not, I put on a happy, cheerful face for the benefit of others. Who wants to be around a debbie downer all the time? For once, it was hard for me to mask my emotions. They were seeping out all over the damn place....and at times that I would least expect seepage.
Now, however, I think it's more a matter of pride. Why don't you miss me? Am I not good enough? Why don't you even seem to care? That's what REALLY gets me. The ease with which you executed everything. The only reason you felt the need to mope around is because you not only lost the 'high school' love of your life, but you also lost that one girl who made you forget about the stupid shit going on. 'That one girl' is so easily replaced, which I guess is where the pride issue comes in.
I guess everything seemed so much more serious to me because I haven't been in a real relationship in over 3 years. I don't want to date random guys or hook up for the fun of it. I'm just excited to find that one person who I'm meant to be with. Petty, little relationships leave too much room for extra heartaches and I despise being vulnerable with every ounce of my being. That's why I rarely let people in.
I went on a run today...which turned into almost two hours of walking....and thinking. I decided that life is too short. Obviously, everything happens for a reason. And I have to believe that one day things will pan out in my favor. I mean...they really have to.....THEY MUST. I'm going to continue giving my heart to those I deem worthy, but I just have to be more careful. I think my ability to love others so enormously is a wonderful quality and I'm not going to let it go to waste.
Tonight, I have to do the stupidest class assignment in the history of the universe. I have to KNIT. A. CELLPHONE. COZY. With Leighann's help, of course.
Last night, an equivalent of 4 rolls of yarn got strewn across my living room, bedroom, hallway, bathroom, and kitchen. Don't ask.
Now, however, I think it's more a matter of pride. Why don't you miss me? Am I not good enough? Why don't you even seem to care? That's what REALLY gets me. The ease with which you executed everything. The only reason you felt the need to mope around is because you not only lost the 'high school' love of your life, but you also lost that one girl who made you forget about the stupid shit going on. 'That one girl' is so easily replaced, which I guess is where the pride issue comes in.
I guess everything seemed so much more serious to me because I haven't been in a real relationship in over 3 years. I don't want to date random guys or hook up for the fun of it. I'm just excited to find that one person who I'm meant to be with. Petty, little relationships leave too much room for extra heartaches and I despise being vulnerable with every ounce of my being. That's why I rarely let people in.
I went on a run today...which turned into almost two hours of walking....and thinking. I decided that life is too short. Obviously, everything happens for a reason. And I have to believe that one day things will pan out in my favor. I mean...they really have to.....THEY MUST. I'm going to continue giving my heart to those I deem worthy, but I just have to be more careful. I think my ability to love others so enormously is a wonderful quality and I'm not going to let it go to waste.
Tonight, I have to do the stupidest class assignment in the history of the universe. I have to KNIT. A. CELLPHONE. COZY. With Leighann's help, of course.
Last night, an equivalent of 4 rolls of yarn got strewn across my living room, bedroom, hallway, bathroom, and kitchen. Don't ask.
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